When I'm among my mentoring friends we often joke and say that "Mentoring is not for the faint hearted".

A Safe Place 

One thing we provide for our mentees is a safe place to share.  We admonish them that they can share their feelings just as long as they do it in a respectful way.  And they do.

While we're having our sessions, we discuss different topics.  Well, I was not prepared for this one.

On this day, our session is titled, "Goals and Visions", the mentees had to pick a sticker (placed faced down, so they couldn't see what it said) and they had to write about it.  

They could write a short story, how it related to their life, et. The purpose of the assignment was to give me an idea of what they are thinking about and how they think as well as to help with their penmanship and stir up their creativity.

It's only three mentees this day, two girls and one boy, which gives me more of an opportunity to zero in.

One of the girls, which is an avid reader, has a great imagination was 'creating a struggle' in completing the assignment. (Girl A) 

The second one, is challenged with following instructions, (not because she's not able to, but because she challenges authority) and this day I have to repeatedly encourage them to stay focused. (Girl B) 

The boy in the class has made tremendous strides in staying focused in the assignments, being present and causes no disruptions.  I look at his journal and see that he's diligently completing the assignment.

I say to him, "You're really doing well in staying focused."

The first girl, which we'll call Girl A says, "Mrs. Barbara, you show favoritism."

She looks directly at Girl B, who says, in a matter-of-fact way, "Unnn huh, you sure do!" 

And the boy looks up, smiles, puts his head back down and continues to work on the assignment. Focused.

Let's Examine the Charges

I ask Girl A, 'how do I show favoritism, explain it to me."

Well, she starts out, like she always does when there's a story to come, "You always say to (she names the boy", "You're so focused and your handwriting has really improved."

Me: "Okay, what do I say to you?"

Girl 1: "Well, whenever I present my work to you, you always say, 'Girl A, take it back and do it over again because it's not done with a spirit of excellence."

Me: At Girl 2-"And what do I say to you?"

Girl 2: "Welllllllllllll, you always tell me to now let the actions of what other people do cause me to miss out on life.  And that I have control on my emotions."  And she says it in her 'spicy kind of way'. 

The boy is still concentrating on his work but has a smile on his face. 

Me: “Girl 1, is what I say to you true?” 

She waits, contemplating and finally answers, “Yeah, but. I’m doing better.

Me: “And when you do better what do I say?”

Girl 1: “You tell me, that I did better.”

Me: “Girl 2, what about you? Is what I say to you true?”

Girl 2: “Yeah, but I don’t want you to keep telling me.”

Me: “What do you think you could do to prevent me having to say that to you?”

After what seemed like ten minutes she begrudgingly answered, “I could just stay focused on me.”

Me: “That would be a good idea.  Let’s try it this week.”

In the meantime, the boy in the class has finished the assignment.

After this mentoring session, I have been more conscious of acknowledging the two girls more.  Girl 1 continues to make improvements in her handwriting.

Girl 2 well let’s just say, we’re working on some things.

Picture Credit: CDC@Unsplash.com